July 29, 2011 through July 31, 2011

Announcer: "Welcome Ladies and Gentlemen and children of all ages to the new documentaseries of 'Man vs. Machinery & Other Chores in the Wilderness' here on FX-A&E-Dishnetwork. Tonight's episode finds Man dealing with machinery in the mercury risen temperatures of 110 degrees. Since this is a documentaseries, we have sent our roving reporter, Ani Mal to question how Man handles the challenges he faces during his weekend in the wilderness. Before our story begins, we have a few words from our sponsors..."
LEATHERMAN: Don't leave home without it; you may find yourself between a rock and a hard place.
COKE ZERO: Quest your thirst or else you'll dehydrate.
RUBBERMAID: Lifting you to places you otherwise cannot reach.
HUNTER DOUGLAS: Cooling you with the flip of a switch.
Announcer: "Welcome back to ''Man vs. Machinery & Other Chores in the Wilderness''. Here's our roving reporter Ani Mal."
Ani Mal: "I can hardly believe the heat here in the wilderness. It's got to be a scorching 110 degrees. This is weather one can easily find themselves dehydrating in. As I look down toward the river, I see Man moving along at a rather rapid rate of speed, appearing to be upon a red....a red....oh, it's a red tractor....similar to the one Naked Mowing Man drives, but that was last weeks episode. Let's try and catch up to Man and see exactly what is going on."
Ani Mal has determined that Man is now driving toward him with clunking noises following. He is waving down Man in an attempt to begin this interview.
Ani Mal: "Hello Man, can I ask you a few questions?"
Man: "Eh."
Ani Mal: "What is it you were doing down by the raging rapids of the river as I arrived? And why have you moved away from the river?"
Man: "I was busy cutting the acreage of grass and was making a big dent in the job when the mower struck a tree root and the blade broke."
Ani Mal: "Oh no, that is a major set back for you isn't it? What are you going to do? "
Man: "Well, I must interact with another person at the repair shop to order the part."
Ani Mal: "Tell me Man, how is it you have such vast knowledge of machinery?"
Man: "Well, when I was merely a wee lad, I used to build things, blow them up and then rebuild them. I also can envision the workings of cams and coils and think inside the engine, which is outside the box. But the engine originally was inside that box. I enjoyed tinkering with machines, especially in the wilderness, where my McGuyver skills can be used in epic proportions."
Ani Mal: "Since your repair project is on hold, what machine or chore can we suspect you'll encounter next while here in the wilderness?"
Man: "I am going to hang a ceiling fan in the screened porch."
Ani Mal: "Can you share the details of this?"
Man: "I am going to break some rules and use the Rubbermaid Step Stool while I am here alone to reach the junction box. I am not going to turn the circuit breaker off, because I am not afraid of a little jolt. I may even use my Leatherman to cut the wires."
Ani Mal: "Wow! Impressive! You're such a McGuyver!"
Man: "Stand back and watch how I do all this in 12 and a half minutes."
Ani Mal: "Double wow!!! 12 and a half minutes from start to finish!"
Man: "Now, without having slept, I shall move on to my next project. Staining the lower portion of the deck."
Ani Mal: "Did you decide to place a time limit on this?"
Man: "31 minutes and 40 seconds...after all, I have to find a brush."
Ani Mal: "We have to take a last minute station break before wrapping up this edition of ''Man vs. Machinery & Other Chores in the Wilderness'.' We'll be right back."
LEATHERMAN: Don't leave home without it; you may find yourself between a rock and a hard place.
COKE ZERO: Quest your thirst or else you'll dehydrate.
RUBBERMAID: Lifting you to places you otherwise cannot reach.
HUNTER DOUGLAS: Cooling you with the flip of a switch.
Announcer: "Welcome back to ''Man vs. Machinery & Other Chores in the Wilderness''. Once again, here's our roving reporter Ani Mal."
Ani Mal: "As this interview ends, I'd like to thank Man for this incredible view of how he deals with machinery and other chores in the wilderness. It has been an enlightening experience to view grass cutting, tractor breakage, hanging of an awesome ceiling fan in the screened in back porch, and the staining of the back deck. It appears to have been an eventful time here in the wilderness. I would like to thank you for having us."
Man; "Eh."
Announcer: "Join us again next week when our interview will be with a local man who accumulates broken down things entitled; 'Man Gathers Mowers.' Thanks for joining us today on FX-A&E-Dishnetwork and stay tuned for a new episode of 'It's Hoarding, Not Antiquing' right after the commercial break."